Rage against the God-Machine

Wendy's notes

Utdrag ur Wendys anteckningsbok, 27-29 Augusti.

Wednesday
Terrible night, not much sleep. Crushing headache today. Decided to go to work non the less.
Probably wouldn’t have if the school hadn’t put us under pressure, appealing to our “professionalism”.
The students had heard – of course. Decided to tell them as little as possible.
Home around 5. Tried to talk to the others, but they seem to want their own space. I’ll respect that, even though I am worried.

Thursday
Workday today. Not quite back to normal. Lots of rumors among the students, I try not to get too involved. It’s really
not my place. The administration can handle that – am sure they won’t.
The house feels like its haunted – the others are mostly silent, the only thing you hear is the floorboards creaking and the water in the pipes when someone uses the shower. At least I have my books – and Lloyd to keep me company.
Avery still hasn’t come home. I’m sure there is a reasonable explanation though…

Friday
Glad this workweek is over. The students seem to have realized that I wont talk to them about what’s happened.
It’s better if they focus on their studies anyways.
Home now. Went to the store right after school to buy some things for dinner. Thought maybe we could finally talk about this.
Dinner’s almost ready, not sure the others will join me.

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Death
I didn't even like him... why should I care?
Tuesday 26 August 2014, just before midnight

You know, just when you think it can’t get any worse. You see a man cut in half.

demon_sketch___detail_by_telthona-d4h573p.pngI can barely stand. I’ve just return from a bike-ride for several hours… not to mention I ran earlier today. My legs are shaking.

I don’t even know how to describe what happened today, it’s so… fucked up it can’t be put to words. I know now that the feeling I had yesterday was correct. There is something seriously dark at the school. Something evil. I’d like to be rational, smart and educated like Ms. WInters. But I’m not.

I saw a dead man today. I heard his back brake when we moved him. I still have blood under my nails. Messages on the phone mysteriously disappeared. The only sane person in our little family broke down. And our new house-guest has disappeared without a trace.

I don’t know if I can handle it.

I feel my mind braking down. Like the paint on a painting slowly dissolving by the constant onslaught of water pouring over it.
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Fear
Something in the water
Monday 25 August 2014, midnight

HELP

It’s the only word I can think of, and it’s the scariest word in the world.

I don’t even know whats wrong with me. I keep writing and drawing, crumbling the papers and hiding them in my old boxes. I tried to burn them earlier tonight, but couldn’t do it. It’s like that time I destroyed Gwen’s drawing. I can never do that again. I want this time to be different, I want to destroy what I saw, to remove it from my memories. I want to draw it, write it down and then never ever see it again. But I can’t. Fuck. It’s there. Still in my memory. Like a scraping nail on the back of my retina. I can FEEL it, but not really see it. I want to scratch my eyeballs out. At least the pain would make the fear go away for just a while. I know something was there, water is not supposed to move like that. Why am I so scared? This is not me.

Wendy is calling from downstairs again. I tried locking the door, but it was already locked, I don’t remember locking it.

I’m so afraid, I don’t even know what to do. I’ve been hiding under this blanket for hours… I think. I’m supposed to be a grown woman. I’ve got school tomorrow…. But the only thing I can think of is hiding. Trying to find someplace safe, but there is really nowhere to be found.

I need to sleep.
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Morning
A new year
Monday 25 August 2014, morning

Today is a good day!

I can feel it. There really is three days of work that I like the most… the first, the last… and halloween. And this is the first day. All in all it’s not really an exiting day, but the feeling of getting to try all those ideas you thought of last semester… I love it. It’s a new year, and I’m getting a new class of freshmen. I read up on some of them, nothing really sticking out, but I think they will be good. This year I’m going to test a new intro, I think they’ll like it!

I can hear Ms Winters downstairs, I’m thinking she’s having trouble sleeping with the new house guest not settled yet. She always does get worried when there is a lot of quick changes in a short time.

Hand-Drawn-Doodle-Flower-Png.pngI gotta go now. I’ve planned this breakfast for days, I hope they appreciate it.

I think I’ll write some more tonight. You know I usually don’t write twice a day. But today.. I wan’t to remember after this how today turned out.

See you tonight.
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